Broken Down

I wrote last week that I didn’t want to have to write a similar blog this week. This week’s blog isn’t exactly the same as last week’s—I did start to feel better at some point—but they certainly rhyme.

I’ll let my training log tell the story of this week and begin this blog at the end. It is Monday, the start of my three-week taper and my first day off from running since March 2. My Garmin tells me I had excellent sleep last night: 8 hours and 27 minutes of “optimal sleep stages.” The pain in my legs from Sunday’s futile long run has subsided a little, but the heaviness remains. I am desperately tired.

I have wished more than once over the last two weeks that the Jersey City Marathon had been on March 15, the day of my dress rehearsal half. I firmly believe I had 2:50 in my legs that day. Now I have to find it again, and it’s an open question whether I can. I will certainly try.

I have been getting good sleep this week, which is a start. I have been trying to eat more, but that is something I struggle with, especially when I’m so tired that I’m borderline depressed. Sometimes these days I’m not even borderline.

Last night I gave my legs a hot soak before bed, which felt nice. I will likely need to become reacquainted with a foam roller. I will need to swallow my pride and run slow or take days off—maybe more than I’d originally planned.

The start of the taper always sucks, and I’m always desperate. Each time I worry that this time it’s hopeless, that I can’t possibly be ready in time for my race. So far my worries have been misplaced—2:57, 2:53, 2:52—but that just makes me worry more that I’m due for a screwup sooner or later.

I was brimming with confidence on Saturday. More than anything, to make this taper work I will need to recapture that feeling. The body and mind are more than connected; the mind is part of the body. Belief is everything. If I can visualize feeling rested and energized in three weeks, maybe I can achieve it. My BQ might depend on it.

Monday: 9 miles easy. I was still pretty sore from last week. Went as slow as I could to avoid adding to the damage.

Tuesday: 9 miles with the treadmill, to keep things even slower than Monday. No core today. I’m just trying to survive the week.

Wednesday: 11 miles, with 5 miles at tempo pace (6:04 average). I was nervous about this one for days because of how sore I’ve been, and it was certainly a battle, but I survived.  I ran this with Wis and another friend of ours, and dug deep to lead miles 3 and 4. I was glad to get this done. No strength for survival reasons.

Thursday: 12 miles at MLR effort. This went surprisingly well; Wis and I hovered close to 7′ pace for the last 8 or 9 miles, and I felt alright doing it. It was a huge relief to still have this in my legs after I fought so hard the day before.

Friday: 9 miles easy. My left Achilles hurt to start out, and took a while to feel better, but after that I was OK.

Saturday: 9 miles easy. This felt pretty good.

Sunday: 16 miles of a planned 20. This was a disaster. I was shot by about 10 miles, tried one last gel to right the ship, pulled the plug, and had way too far to run to get back to my car. Afterward, my legs felt like I had raced a marathon. I was hobbling around the rest of the day.

I have no idea what happened here; I felt good on Saturday and slept well. I am terrified I won’t be able to recover from this.

This Week: 75 miles. I thought, after Wednesday and Thursday, and especially Saturday, that I was going to be able to write about turning a corner and hitting my taper in stride. Instead, I fought for my life through a long run that likely did more harm than good, and whose effects I will be trying to undo every day for the next three weeks.

I told Wis at the start of our run on Sunday that I thought we were perfectly positioned for the taper—that we were going to be sharpening instead of recovering. I was dead wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this bad in a training block before.

At times like this, it sometimes helps to reread old logs, or old blogs, to reassure myself that in fact I have felt this bad in a training block before, and I was OK then, so I can expect I’ll be OK now. Looking back at last week, I was certainly in a lot of pain, especially on Sunday. I think I’m in appreciably more pain now, but I was able to run a solid tempo and MLR this week in spite of last week’s pain. If I was able to do that, maybe there’s still hope for me now.

It’s possible my Wednesday and Thursday workouts hit me hardest on Sunday, and if I’m past a certain level of fatigue I can’t expect to recover in time; maybe I should have skipped the track right after my half to make sure I got back to baseline. But even if I’m right, it’s hard to say what good this insight does me right now. I can’t go back and skip a workout. I can only focus on recovery, and wait, and see.

Baby: My son is much the same as last week: closer to walking, closer to talking, but not quite there on either yet. He’s also dealing with some teething pain, we think, that is making him a little more moody and unpredictable, but overall all is well.

I am still struggling to be as present and productive around the house as I would like because of all the pain and fatigue I’ve been dealing with, but this weekend I got some work done in the attic to open up some storage for baby stuff and my wife and I filed our taxes, so I’m hanging in there. It just feels like I’m hanging by a thread. I need this taper to start working, and fast.